Ode to the Elliptical

Thud. Thud. Thud. Rubber connects with concrete in rhythmic steps. Sweat pours from the face. Heart pounds. Eyebrows contort in concentration. Push just a little bit harder. One more minute. You've got one more minute. Push harder. Run faster. One more minute. Dont' give up now. Fists clenched, you push through that last barrier holding you down. And not just physically-
Stress

Gone

Frustration

Gone

Feelings of self-worthlessness

Definitely Gone

Ugly.Weak.Fat.Less.Ugly.Boys.Broken.Insecure.Ugly.SelfConscious.SelfHatred.Ugly.

Don't even recognize those words now.

What remains?

Beauty. True beauty. The kind that shines from the core of your being. Skin glows. The heart is at peace. Every stress, every issue-now doesn't seem so big. Every time a boy has EVER made you feel less than the goddess that you are-Erased. You are the princess of the King. Every time you made yourself think that you aren't worth it-gone. The heart is restored.

Iamstrong
Iambeautiful
I. Am. Loved.

Favorite Spring Break Moments

These were my favorite parts of spring break. I cannot wait for my real life to start...

*Sunny afternoon lakeside visits
*Sisters :)
*toothless grins and sidewalk chalk drawings
*discovering an entire world I had no idea exisisted within my own city
*barefeet in the dirty, rocky sand
*Big white house and the hard wooden floors
*Late night talks about favorite scripture
*sweet southern belles (Lynsey!)
*supporting the most awesome worship band ever!
*throwing orange bouncy balls on 190
*sharing cookies in a bed with the sweetest girls i know
*Irrellevant volleyball scores
*Meeting a new friend and liking him inspite of his geographical prejudices and terrible taste in movies :) (with a few exceptions i will admit)
*ZERO homework done
*Peggy's banana pudding ( and I don't even like banana's)
*tanning with Jack Johnson and James Morrison
*eating out for every meal

Trust Me

Father, I don't understand. I want this so much but it seems to be so far away. I need your help. I cannot provide the way on my own? God why do I have to wait? Why can't I see the solution now?

Trust Me

But Father my burdens are heavy. I am troubled by the decisions I have made in the past and I am afraid of the decisions I have to make in the future. There are too many, too soon. I can't see the answers.

Trust Me

But Father how can you use me? I am so sinful and You are so holy. How can anything I do bring glory to Your name?

Trust Me

But I am weak

Trust Me

I can't see the way

Trust Me

It's too much

Trust Me

I can't do this alone

You are NEVER alone. I will provide for your every need. I will guide your every step. All you must do is...

TRUST ME

Mr. Darcy Kind of Love

"I am determined that only the deepest love can induce me into matrimony"~Elizabeth Bennett Pride and Prejudice

I love thriller, action movies. I love the feeling of excitement in the pit of my stomach when it gets to a particularly intense part of the movie. I love the thrill of being scared.

But I am a girl.

And unfortunately, I cannot get away from my inner Jane Austen. As much as I try to deny it, a secret part of my heart longs for a good love story. But do not be deceived-I cannot stand Hollywood's version of love. The popcorn romances that end with the lovers kissing on the street in the middle of traffic while onlookers gawk and cheer. This is not real love. This is cheese. Of the velveeta sorts.

But give me a timeless love story-where the protaganists are flawed, and the circumstances are impossible-and I surrender to the sappier side of myself that basks in it. Give me the love story where the man actually stays through the storms that life throws at him. Give me the love story where every circumstance pushes them farther away and yet they still fight to be togther. The characters are human, they make mistakes. Sometimes they are broken. But they work through every obstacle and they are stronger for it.

Sometimes I say that I don't care about getting married. If it happens, then it happens. However, this is what single people say to make them feel better about their single status in life. I want to say that I can live either way, single or otherwise. But this would be untrue. If I were honest with myself I want real love. I want to be held and loved, and I want to take care of someone. I want to be someone's life long partner. I want to grow old and sit on the back porch with my husband and talk about life. I want to receive daisies and drink hot tea with someone.

I want
true
real
lasting
Jane Austen inspired love.

***********
Love movies worth watching:
Pride Prejudice
Slumdog Millionaire
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
Sense and Sensibility


"I love you...most ardently"~Mr. Darcy

"Will you still love me when my skin is old and saggy?" --Daisy
"Will you still love me when I have acne, wet the bed and am afraid of what's under the stairs?"--Benjamin

"I have come with no expectations, only to express, now I am able, that my heart is, and always will be .... yours."

Clementine: You know me, I'm impulsive.
Joel: That's what I love about you.
Joel: I can't see anything that I don't like about you.
Clementine: But you will! But you will. You know, you will think of things. And I'll get bored with you and feel trapped because that's what happens with me.
Joel: Okay.
Clementine: [pauses] Okay.

(one more from Eternal Sunshine)

Clementine: Joely?
Joel: Yeah Tangerine?
Clementine: Am I ugly?
Joel: Uh-uh.
Clementine: When I was a kid, I thought I was. I can't believe I'm crying already. Sometimes I think people don't understand how lonely it is to be a kid, like you don't matter. So, I'm eight, and I have these toys, these dolls. My favorite is this ugly girl doll who I call Clementine, and I keep yelling at her, "You can't be ugly! Be pretty!" It's weird, like if I can transform her, I would magically change, too.
Joel: [kisses Clementine] You're pretty.
Clementine: Joely, don't ever leave me.
Joel: You're pretty... you're pretty... pretty...


" You must know... surely, you must know it was all for you...I will have to tell you: you have bewitched me, body and soul, and I love, I love, I love you. I never wish to be parted from you from this day on."~Mr. Darcy